Aden has been less than an easy baby. He has been super fussy since the beginning, pretty much. Seth leaving when he was a month old just amplified his fussiness, I believe. He is used to, and wants me and me only. Some moments, this makes me feel super special. To him, I am the world. I know he won't feel this way forever and I really do appreciate it. In the other moments, it is really annoying. I would love to go to the restroom without a monkey crawling all over me or having to hear him bawling in another room. Babies get in your head.
And EVERYONE has advice. Literally everyone. I'm sure Carlos and Shelby (my dogs) have advice they want to give me if only they could muster up the words with which to present it. At the end of the day, you can't help but wonder if you're doing it wrong.
Right now, this struggle comes in the form of our sleeping arrangements. Aden has always co-slept with me. Mostly because he is breastfed. Until recently, this arrangement has rocked. Lately, it seems like neither of us get good sleep. He wakes up when I move, I wake up when he flips over. It is impossible for me to try to let him work it out because I'm constantly afraid he is going to roll off the bed. Seth made me a co-sleeper to use with him. It has been super helpful until the last couple of weeks when he just won't stay in it and (dangerously) tries to climb out the side that has no bed not wall on the other side of the railing. Sleeping is hard. Did you know that?
I get so jealous when I hear about other babies, babies younger than he is, sleeping through the night. I have learned that my biggest sin in life is measuring myself against others and others against myself. I think this may officially fall under judgement and envy, alike.
So here is my mommy prayer: "Lord, please help me keep my focus on You and You only. Help me to raise my precious baby boy in a way that pleases You. Help me to only bring peace and comfort to my mom friends and give me he discretion to know when to listen and when to advise. In the same way, please help me to receive advice in a kind manner, without anger or frustration, and assume that all advisors mean well. And when Aden makes me want to rip my hair out, help me to find comfort in You. Remind me that you offered the life of Your precious Son when your people (read I) angered and sinned against you. Help me to show the same grace to myself when I feel guilty about my frustration once Aden is back to a happy baby. Above all, help me to remember that raising Aden to love and fear You is the only thing that really matters above all other parenting shenanigans. Thank you for loving my sweet baby boy and me. Amen"
Feels better just to type it out.
