Mason's ETV Surgery

Mason has hydrocephalus. It is caused by his Arnold Chiari malformation (type 2), which is caused by his Spina Bifida. Basically, the pulling of his spinal cord causes his cerebellum to be pulled to the opening at the base of his skull, blocking the flow of CSF from his brain. Thus, hydrocephalus. He had a VP shunt placed when he was 15 days old to help alleviate the pressure on his brain from the fluid. That shunt failed in July 2016 and he had a revision (they replaced the portion going from the valve, which is behind his ear, to his ventricles in his brain.) We learned at a routine appointment on March 15 that his VP shunt had failed again. Our neurosurgeon in Austin recommended trying an Endoscopic Third Ventriculostomy (ETV) with choroid plexus cauterization (CPC) instead of placing a new shunt. This involves creating a new pathway for the CSF to drain from his brain through making some "holes" (not destroying brain tissue).
We had heard of ETV before. We had even asked about it initially when he needed his first shunt. However, failure rates are higher for kiddos before they are three months, so it wasn't an option at that time. ETVs can be awesome, if they are successful. This could replace his need for a shunt and be the only surgery he needs for his hydrocephalus for the rest of his life. HUGE. However, the risks are also higher. Our surgeon quoted us that in the studies done on ETVs, the risk of hitting the basilar artery (really bad) was 1 in 400. We felt comfortable with the surgeon, his humility (he told us that he had recently stopped an attempt at an ETV because he felt he was too close to the basilar artery), and decided to try it. Mason's surgery was March 21st.

The procedure was successful and Mason handled the anesthesia like a boss, as usual. The hardest part was that we had to stay in the hospital for 3 days with an external shunt coming out of Mason's head to monitor ICP (pressure in the brain). Now, I have worked as a nurse in an ICU and a cardiac step-down floor; thus I am no stranger to cord management. However, a cord hanging out of your baby's brain puts cord management into a new light. It freaked me out. It was so difficult to manage it while nursing him at night. Especially because he would become unlevel when I moved him from his crib to the chair to nurse and the alarms would all sound off like crazy and, here I was, holding a half-asleep and hungry baby attached to a pole by a cord from his head while trying to silence alarms on a monitor screen that is above my head. Tough work.

Needless to say, I was grateful when they gave us the all-clear after three days in the hospital with a head leash and pulled the exterior shunt and let us go home. Mason has just really started moving since this procedure. He is so close to crawling and has learned to get from sitting, to his belly and back to sitting. His increased mobility is truly amazing. (I tried to include a video of him doing his tricks, but I don't seem to know how to make it work, so....)

We go tomorrow for his follow-up visit for an MRI and an appointment with the neurosurgeon. Please pray for continued good reports from the ETV procedure and continued increased movement for our sweet boy. 

Mason Update- 8 months

Last week, I discovered that I had never published Mason's birth story. I had it all typed out and was waiting to add in pictures, so I saved it and then forgot about it. So you get to go from birth one week to 8-month-old the next.

Mason was born May 10, 2016 and we were in the NICU for 15 days until May 25th. Seth graduated from the Maneuver Captain's Career Course (the 6-month reason we were at Fort Benning) on June 15th, but the Army let us hang around Fort Benning until the end of July to make sure Mason was all settled before our move. We needed that time.

At Seth's graduation 

He started serial casting to correct his clubbed feet on May 31st. This means that each week, we made the two hour trek to Atlanta to get new casts on his legs/feet. The orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Olszewski, would place casts on his feet and hold them in a more correct position (a little more each week) until they were stretched to normal. This went on until July 12th when she performed a procedure where she made incisions in his Achilles' tendons and stretched them the rest of the way. A final cast in the OR after the procedure and a week and a half later, his feet were free and into braces! That is the gear we are still currently wearing--a Ponseti bar with attached AFO boots. These can come on and off but stay mostly on. Eventually, we will move to more ambulatory boots during the day with the bar and shoes at nighttime and naps.

His first casts

The bar & shoes

His first bath that finally happened at 2.5 months old once his casts were gone!

We also had several trips to see Dr. Brahma, his neurosurgeon in Atlanta, during that time. On what was supposed to be our last trip, July 19th, they discovered that Mason's VP shunt had malfunctioned and that he needed to have a revision. It took place the next day, on July 20th. Thankfully, the only sign he presented with for this malfunction was an increased FOC (head circumference). We had actually noticed it, but had been reassured that without symptoms of increased pressure in the brain it didn't warrant emergency surgery. We were glad that they were able to get us in for the revision the next day. The portion of his shunt that rests in his ventricular space in his brain had blocked by the chloroid plexus, which is just the part of the brain that produces CSF. The neurosurgeon said that it was a little like something getting sucked into the drain of a swimming pool. He replaced that part of the shunt and, thankfully, that was all that was needed to correct the problem. Mason did come off of this procedure more rough than he had any other procedure to date. He vomited twice in the first 24-hours and had a difficult time waking up fully. After the first 72 hours, he was back to himself. However, he did look like an alien for a month or so while his skull bones readjusted to his brain after having filled up with all that extra fluid.

Alien head post-VP shunt revision

We moved to Texas the next week. That part was extra stressful because we always choose to move ourselves instead of having the army pay to move us. You pocket the majority of the money that they would have instead given to the movers if you do it that way and we choose that money over our sanity. Seth wasn't due to report to Fort Hood until the second week of August, so we got to spend a lot of time visiting with family and celebrated Aden's second birthday before we moved down to Fort Hood. Our house on base wasn't ready for a bit, so we lived in our travel trailer on Belton Lake for three weeks and living in a travel trailer with a two-year-old, a 3-month-old, two golden retrievers, and my husband is not something I would ever want to attempt again. Thankfully, our house was ready much sooner than we anticipated!

We did have a scare at the beginning of September. I was convinced that Mason's shunt had blocked again. He was acting slightly more fussy and his fontanel felt full. His shunt checked out ok, but apparently he had a virus that caused his platelets to be low and allowed for his VP shunt to cause a little bit of bleeding on both sides of his brain. His body reabsorbed the blood after his platelets went back to normal and everything was fine. However, because we presented with an infant with a chronic health condition with bleeding on his brain, and Seth is in the Army, we flagged as high risk for abuse and had to handle a case opening, and subsequently being closed after a home visit with CPS. I was very angry at myself during that time. I was the one who felt like something was wrong and because of my alert we were being investigated by CPS. The physicians cleared us of any worry about abuse while we were in the hospital, but because CPS had been notified, they had to follow-up on the investigation. At one point Seth had a CPS caseworker (from the wrong county who mistakenly got our file) say to him "Look, I'm not trying to storm in and take your kids, JUST YET." We had already been told by physicians that there was no reason to suspect that we abused our kids and yet someone whose job is to protect kids who are being abused/neglected had the poor professional skills to threaten that taking our kids away was a possibility. Thankfully, the case worker who was supposed to have our file got it and closed our case very quickly. This experience was more than humbling. In my ignorance, I didn't realize that CPS cases can be opened so easily and get closed routinely for situations just like ours. I know that God's plan is perfect and that our experience will prove helpful at some point, whether it be to help show grace or reassurance to parents in a similar position or just to humble us even further away from our thoughts about "those people" (in this case "those people" are people investigated by CPS but it means different things at any given time). To-date, I am still looking for my chance to help someone because of this experience and still struggle with lots of negative feelings about it.

Other than that, our lives have slipped into a routine. We are so very grateful for that. Mason had his circumcision on November 22nd and that was the last procedure that we knew was coming. His being circumcised will help decrease his risk of UTIs, which is awesome because he has already had one. We catheterize him five times a day now and he takes oxybutynin three times a day to help with bladder elasticity. That is a real bummer because he has to take it on an empty stomach. Trying to convince a baby that he doesn't need breastmilk when he is hungry is pretty difficult when his caregiver is the source of that milk. We see the physical therapist once a week and he has already made some great improvements since seeing her. We shouldn't see the neurosurgeon until March for a repeat MRI (six-months from his last visit). Our next orthopedist appointment is also in March and we are hoping to get to move to some shoes that will help facilitate more mobility during the day at that time. We will see the urologist for some urodynamic studies in April and we hope to see that this oxybutynin is helping to reduce the pressure in his bladder, thus reducing the risk of damaging his kidneys. In the meantime, we hope to get established on the neuromuscular team in Temple so that one day we will be able to go for one long day and hit a lot of his specialists.

Mason loves to roll around as a means of transportation. He still is a bit wobbly with sitting, but is definitely getting more stable. He is starting to move his knees up like he might try to army crawl soon, but we also know that it might be a while before he has the strength to do it. Because of the lack of innervation to his lower legs, a lot of the accessory muscles in his calves and down don't work as well as they should. This hopefully means that he will just need a little bit of help with walking with some ankle support, but all of that will reveal itself in the future.

At this time, we just ask that you continue prayers for strength for Mason and peace for us. It is very easy to let the devil poke at our dreams of having a "perfect" child. Especially when we will most likely never know if his Spina Bifida was caused by a folic acid deficiency in me early in his pregnancy, by a gene mutation, our genetics, or a mixture of them all. We are currently participating in a study with University of California San Diego to explore the involvement of DNA in Spina Bifida. It is a little reassuring to know that through the research of our DNA, they might one day know  more about Spina Bifida. I know that God wants to use Mason specifically to help further his Kingdom and I hope that one day that knowledge overcomes my fears and worries for my son.

Mason Parker

Going back and reading my last post about our prenatal diagnostic testing sure brought back a flood of memories! I am so glad that our little man is in our arms now!
They started picking up regular contractions on my NSTs at the end of April. They weren't making me progress at all, so they told me just to try to take it easy to make it to our scheduled c-section date of May 30th. Early on the morning of May 10th, I started having non-intense but very regular contractions. Around 7am Seth and I started driving to Atlanta just to be sure that I wouldn't deliver in Columbus and have to be two hours from Mason. We both completely expected them to send us home, but wanted to head that way just in case. My doctor there, Dr. Purdie instead told us that I was in early labor and that we would do the c-section later that day. She said that we could wait for me to progress, but since we knew I was in labor and that Mason would have to be born via c-section due to his Spina Bifida, there was no reason to progress. That day completely flew by. Before I knew it, the anesthesiologist was putting in a spinal block. That was a horrible experience! It made my blood pressure drop twice and they had to give me ephedrine to get it back up. I hope I never have to do that again!
The c-section happened so quickly. The hospital was trialing having a clear drape with c-sections that allow you to see the baby when they pull them out. It was incredible! He came out crying at 1553. Dr. Purdie let the cord stay attached for about 30 seconds and then she milked it to try to get him a little extra cord blood. They then took him to the side of the room where they dressed the sac at the opening of his back with a sterile dressing. Seth got to stand there beside him. He was rocking the outside world well and was perfectly healthy aside from his SB lesion. Seth brought him to me and rested him on my chest for a moment. He was so beautiful and looked exactly like Aden did after he was born but was quite a bit smaller. He was 6 lbs, 11 oz and 18.5" (vs. Aden's 8lbs, 7oz and 20.75") and, although he looked like a shrimp to me, he was a monster in the NICU.

After his brief time on my chest, he and Seth traveled to the NICU at Northside, where we delivered, and I went to recovery. I got to see him for a couple of minutes more once I got to my room. The NICU nurse from the children's hospital across the street stopped in with him to pay me a visit before they moved him. I remember that he was fervently sucking on his pacifier. He wasn't allowed to nurse at all prior to his surgery just in case complications arose and he needed to go into surgery sooner.

The sterile dressing that they placed on his back to help keep infection out

Thankfully, everything went according to the plan that we had set in place during the pregnancy. Mason had his spina bifida lesion closed the next morning, about 17 hours after birth. He rocked the surgery and was extubated quickly. I got to go over to see him after his surgery. We were able to touch his head and feet through the incubator. The next day, we were able to hold him and I was able to finally nurse my baby! It felt like it took forever for him to get the hang of it, but really it was only a day.

We stayed in the NICU for 15 days. The average time for SB babies is 7-11 days. We were a little prolonged because our neurosurgeon, Dr. Brahma, wanted to make sure that he truly needed or did not need a VP shunt. VP shunts help the fluid in the brain (CSF) exit the brain. Mason received his shunt on May 23rd and we went  home on May 25th.

We were so blessed during his NICU stay. Our team of physicians at CHOA Scottish Rite were phenomenal. The nurses in the NICU there are among the best in the country, I am sure of it. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald House across the street and were so impressed with the service they provide. They gave us a safe, warm, cozy place to stay and access to food to eat without making us feel like we were being waited on. It was exactly what we needed.

Looking back on Mason's birth and the NICU stay that followed, Seth and I continue to feel overwhelmed by how much peace we felt. We should have been overcome with anxiety. Our tiny, helpless baby boy was undergoing general anesthesia and having very, very important parts of his body worked on. He spent a lot of time away from us and in the care of strangers. I had a major surgery and was having to travel back and forth to the NICU to see him and be with him. Yet, in the middle of it all, we felt comforted and calm. We know that the peace we felt was completely due to the prayers we were receiving from around the country and the calming hand of God. He allowed us to have full confidence in Dr. Brahma and his team. He allowed us to rest at night and for our bodies to heal, despite the short nights and long days. We were very aware of His presence during our time of need and will always remember the support received from our community for Mason's healing.

Baby Boy #2

(Photo Credits to Snap Happy Studio)

I posted a very shortened version about the announcement of our sweet baby boy #2 on Facebook, but I wanted to type out our story so far just in case it can help someone going through something similar with their kiddo.

We found out October 5th that we were pregnant with #2. This came as quite a shock as we were actually trying to not get pregnant. We were trying a scaled down version of the natural family planning birth control and I guess that since I was still breastfeeding Aden at the time, my cycles weren't quite regular enough to avoid fertile days just by counting. Selfishly, I was quite emotional after finding out. It wasn't the plan. I wanted to give Aden my full attention for just a bit longer and the idea of a new baby didn't quite fit into the scenario. We knew we were going to be moving to Fort Benning, GA for Seth's career course and this baby would be born right at the end of the course. A brand new baby right at a big move just sounded entirely too overwhelming for me. It took me a little while to become excited about the new baby so we avoided announcing the pregnancy.

The holidays came and we knew we would be travelling home to Texas and wanted to tell our families in person about the new baby. I was right around 15 weeks when we told our families. We had family pictures done and took an announcement picture with Aden. So I wanted to wait until we got the pictures back to announce the pregnancy to everyone. Then we set up our anatomy scan with our new OB here and I wanted to wait until after the scan, just to be sure that everything was ok before announcing the pregnancy.

That scan was on Jan 13th. I was 20 weeks and 2 days. We had decided to find out the gender and when she said it was a boy we were both so excited and over the moon. She didn't give any hints that something was wrong. When the doctor came in to talk to us, she explained that the baby's ventricles in his brain were enlarged--ventriculomegaly. She didn't give us any other details of the baby's anatomy but told us that she was concerned that it could be a trisomy, a chromosomal abnormality. That word didn't quite mean anything to us at the time. She informed us that several of the trisomies are fatal and that she was mainly concerned about one- Trisomy 18- and that she recommended the screening test (NIPT) that can tell you your risk of having a Trisomy 13, 18, or 21 baby. She set us up with an appointment to see a high risk doctor, a maternal-fetal specialist, two days later.

That scan was on Jan 15th. At that scan, they informed us that he had spina bifida, club feet, an atrial septal defect (heart), a ventricular septal defect (heart), and that it was possible that his aorta opened up at his ventricular septal defect (bad). They again informed us that they were quite certain that it was Trisomy 18 and that our baby would have very little chance of living to birth and little-to-no chance of living past his first birthday. They didn't even talk about closures of his spina bifida, as they said most doctors will not do surgery on a baby with a poor prognosis. They made some appointments for me to have an MRI and echocardiogram done much later in the month to evaluate all of his issues and vaguely talked about being transferred to Atlanta for his birth where they had resources for grief and places to accommodate him for the little life that he would live.

Jan 21st I had a follow up with my OB who informed me that our NIPT results came back negative, but she still was certain that there was something chromosomally wrong with him and that his prognosis would be poor.

Seth and I decided that same day to schedule to have an amniocentesis done. We had previously been so against it. We knew that without those results, most specialists wouldn't be able to tell us if they would be able to perform surgeries on our baby boy after birth. We needed to know. We needed to plan. We needed answers about whether to grieve or whether to have hope.

I had the amniocentesis on Jan 29th. It was pretty scary. My mom flew out to watch Aden. It was a very busy day in class for Seth and his leader informed him that if he missed it, he would have to recycle to the next class. We know that he will eventually have to be pushed back to the next class, but want to delay it as long as possible. So I went alone. In the waiting room, all the women were talking on the phone or to the people with them about the size of their babies and were so excited. I was so scared and so sad and couldn't help but get super emotional right before they called me back. During the amniocentesis, they used sonogram to identify a pocket of fluid far from little guy and the cord/placenta. She inserted the needle and pulled back the metal part, leaving a plastic catheter. Little man immediately became interested and started playing with it. He seriously did not leave it alone the whole time it was in there. In that moment, I so wished Seth could be there. Everyone had talked about our baby as if he was not going to live. In that moment, seeing him playing with a "toy" he was just a baby. It was so amazing.

Then came the waiting..

My MRI was scheduled at a children's hospital in Atlanta for February 5th. I had never had one before and only knew about the vague description I had given my patients about what happens in there. I was so surprised at how much anxiety I experienced during the test. We talked with a radiologist right before the MRI and she explained that they would give us rough results that day (we had no idea. we thought we wouldn't know until our doctor's appointment the next week) and that it would take less than 30 mins for the test. You have no idea how much time is passing while you're laying in there. I was trying so hard to stay calm, but those noises sure know how to get to you. Little guy was doing all sorts of tricks in my belly because of the loud noises. It was so fun to feel him move around like a crazy baby. After the MRI, the radiologist came and explained that all of his organs (other than his brain/spinal column) looked awesome. She said that he did have swelling in his brain and an Arnold Chiari II malformation which are both expected with spina bifida. She explained that our previous ultrasounds had reported concern that his hands were clenched shut (a sign of chromosomal disorders) and that he had "rocker bottom feet" and that she didn't see either of those. For the first time, a doctor was telling us that she didn't think he had a chromosomal disorder. We avoided telling anyone. We didn't want to give anyone false hope. We didn't want to give ourselves false hope.

Feb 9th- I had to call my maternal-fetal specialist to reschedule an appointment because there was a death in my family and I had to fly home for the funeral. The receptionist told me that they didn't have an opening for two weeks and she would have to call me back. Two hours later, their office called and I was expecting it to be my new appointment. Instead, it was the genetic counselor calling to inform me that the microarray (chromosome portion) of my amniocentesis results came back completely normal. He does not have a chromosomal disorder. This alone made his chance of living jump exponentially. She informed me that this meant we would be transferring up to Atlanta for our care and that there we would meet with surgeons who could correct our baby boy's birth defects. Surgery. That word has never sounded so wonderful.

Feb 10th- Our cardiologist appointment. We had an echocardiogram done on baby boy. Who knew they could do that? Crazy. Although I was a cardiac nurse at my last job, I am pretty bad at reading echocardiograms. Also, the screen was turned so that I would have had to strain to look at it. So I just laid there and prayed. I praised God for giving us such great news the previous day and assured Him that I trusted Him, no matter this baby's condition. The cardiologist came in after the scan and asked me what I had been told. I told him what we had been told, an ASD, VSD, and possibly some issues with where his aortic opening in relation to his VSD. He went on to tell us that he saw no issues other than that he possibly may have a slightly larger than normal opening between his two atriums (a small opening is normal and closes around 6 months after birth). He told me that if not for a previous ultrasound noting an ASD, he wouldn't even think it could be larger than normal. I knew from research that it was possible for these septal defects to close before birth, but never dreamed it was possible for that to happen for us.

In two short days, we had gone from thinking our baby would not live to finding out that he would have spina bifida. period. I do not want to take away from the diagnosis that is spina bifida. We will have at least two surgeries for our little guy-- his spina bifida closure within 48 hrs of birth (most likely within 24 hours) and a surgery to correct the swelling in his brain (possibly a shunt). Also, his club feet may require surgery. And I'm sure he will have lots of physical therapy and occupational therapy sessions in his lifetime. But he will most likely live. We went from parents who were sure that they needed to grieve for their baby to parents who need to worry about surgery. What a wonderful gift from God.

Because of how late we got all our results back (I was 24 weeks, 2 days when we found out that his heart/microarray were clear) and the possibility that the opening between the top chambers of his heart may be larger than normal, we are not candidates to have the spina bifida repair before birth. Science is amazing, but I was very nervous about the risks of preterm birth after the surgery and I just asked God to give me a clear yes or no as to whether or not we should do it. Vanderbilt in Nashville gave us a clear no and that was enough for me.

His spina bifida lesion is also very low. They think between S2 and S4. These sacral nerves handle bowel/bladder control and sexual function. Your legs are controlled by your lumbar nerves, which are above your sacral nerves. It is possible that those nerves may still be damaged. We really won't know until he is here. So he most likely will be able to walk at some point in his life.

I am still in complete shock that this is our reality. My heart is so heavy for all those parents who do get the diagnosis of Trisomy 18. In those weeks that we thought this baby wouldn't make it, it was almost as if our lives stopped. The word was happening around us and yet we couldn't think about anything else but him. I hope that I never have to know the grief of losing a child and this experience has been so eye opening to just the tip of the grief iceberg.

God was still there in those immense moments of grief.

My dear friend Megan sent me this passage that brought me such peace:
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust--there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace. For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone." Lamentations 3:22-33

Mom Struggles: Part 1 of many.

Being a mom is really hard. I know this is probably stating the obvious for some of you. For others, you probably roll your eyes at this statement. "How hard can it be?" you think, "Women have been doing it since the beginning of time." I know that I used to feel this way. Then it happened.

Aden has been less than an easy baby. He has been super fussy since the beginning, pretty much. Seth leaving when he was a month old just amplified his fussiness, I believe. He is used to, and wants me and me only. Some moments, this makes me feel super special. To him, I am the world. I know he won't feel this way forever and I really do appreciate it. In the other moments, it is really annoying. I would love to go to the restroom without a monkey crawling all over me or having to hear him bawling in another room. Babies get in your head.

And EVERYONE has advice. Literally everyone. I'm sure Carlos and Shelby (my dogs) have advice they want to give me if only they could muster up the words with which to present it. At the end of the day, you can't help but wonder if you're doing it wrong. 

Right now, this struggle comes in the form of our sleeping arrangements. Aden has always co-slept with me. Mostly because he is breastfed. Until recently, this arrangement has rocked. Lately, it seems like neither of us get good sleep. He wakes up when I move, I wake up when he flips over. It is impossible for me to try to let him work it out because I'm constantly afraid he is going to roll off the bed. Seth made me a co-sleeper to use with him. It has been super helpful until the last couple of weeks when he just won't stay in it and (dangerously) tries to climb out the side that has no bed not wall on the other side of the railing. Sleeping is hard. Did you know that?

I get so jealous when I hear about other babies, babies younger than he is, sleeping through the night. I have learned that my biggest sin in life is measuring myself against others and others against myself. I think this may officially fall under judgement and envy, alike.

So here is my mommy prayer:  "Lord, please help me keep my focus on You and You only. Help me to raise my precious baby boy in a way that pleases You. Help me to only bring peace and comfort to my mom friends and give me he discretion to know when to listen and when to advise. In the same way, please help me to receive advice in a kind manner, without anger or frustration, and assume that all advisors mean well. And when Aden makes me want to rip my hair out, help me to find comfort in You. Remind me that you offered the life of Your precious Son when your people (read I) angered and sinned against you. Help me to show the same grace to myself when I feel guilty about my frustration once Aden is back to a happy baby. Above all, help me to remember that raising Aden to love and fear You is the only thing that really matters above all other parenting shenanigans. Thank you for loving my sweet baby boy and me. Amen"

Feels better just to type it out. 

Deployment

We are officially 22 weeks into this deployment. If we are lucky, we have 17 or less to go. I have a confession. This is REALLY hard. The first bit kind of flew by. It felt like a sprint. I was amazed at how quickly time was passing. Of course, I also have an ever-growing parasite keeping me busy. Aden was one day shy of one month old when Seth left. Today he is six months old. 

I think passing the halfway point made time come to a screeching halt. It is such a double-edged sword. I don't want time to pass quicker because my baby boy is growing at an alarming rate. But I want time to pass quicker because I want his daddy to be here to see him grow & learn. Some days leave me wanting to scream "IT ISN'T FAIR!!" I am so sick of watching milestone after milestone pass for Aden and Seth not be here to see it. But I realize that my two year old fit won't get me anywhere and that constant complaining about it won't help time pass more quickly and won't make my husband's job any easier.

I constantly get told "good job" or "I could never do that." Yes, you could. If the love of your life's dream job was to serve and protect and that involved him/her being gone for an extended time, you could. True love always wants what the other person wants. If your choice to spend the rest of your life with someone really hinged on whether they were physically present 100% of the time then maybe you should really re-think that walk down the aisle.

That is all this is. A two-year old fit. A shout out to the world that I, indeed, am very human. Those of you who know me know that fact very well. And I'm probably not fooling anyone by not saying that I want him home all the time. But I want him home all the time.

So instead, I will try to focus on how grateful I am that I can stay at home with my baby boy. That I get to see him grow first hand and not from a phone, or webcam, or texts from a babysitter. I am thankful for my husband. That he has chosen such a selfless life. That he is willing to sacrifice so much so that we can live this life we live. I am grateful for family; that they will always have an open room and open arms in Texas for me and my sweet little family. And I am thankful for my baby boy. He is truly a light in the darkness of this deployment. I know HEB makes Seth smile halfway around the world and he sure lights up my life here.

Also, I am thankful for baby naps in the rocking chair. They have helped me to be very disciplined in getting back into God's Word! And what about that doesn't make a girl smile?

Aden Davis--The Story

Wow! It has been over a year since my last blog post. I never blogged about pregnancy once! That is amazing. I actually started up a post about 3 days before I delivered, but decided that I really didn't have anything to say and deleted it. :) Then I wouldn't have been able to say I went a whole year without a blog!

So, Blogger, I have a baby. We found out December 7th, 2013 that we were expecting and, boy, were we surprised. Not because we weren't trying to have a baby, but because we had JUST started trying to have a baby. Looking back, I could just smack myself for all those times I thought I was pregnant-- early pregnancy symptoms don't play around. I was exhausted!

We decided that we were not going to find out the gender of our little Turkey (so named by the holiday around which he would have been created) until its birthday. This was so difficult, to be honest. Registering for baby things is not near as fun when you're not sure if you should choose the pack-n-play with more pink/red/purple/yellow or more blue/green. The non-girly side of me won out and we chose everything in blues/greens/yellows (yellow was my concession color in case it was a girl). It was a lot of fun to hear all the guesses. The predominant guess was girl. My suspicions are that this was due to the fact that I have a large badunkadunk (auto-correct loves that word). If the majority of people could have had a before/after comparison, I think they would have realized that it did not increase in size as much as they thought it had. My suspicions about this being the reason for the overwhelming "girl" vote in person was due to the fact that everyone looked at a side profile and were inconclusive and then had me turn around to the back. It was at this time that they proudly proclaimed that I would have a girl. Don't you love strangers? :)

Alas, that majority vote was indeed wrong as Aden is a boy. I guess my behind didn't get the memo.

The pregnancy was not a difficult one at all. I was very blessed. No throwing up. Just heartburn. Oh my, did I have heartburn. My son now has a head of hair to testify for my heartburn. In fact, on checking in to the labor and delivery, I tried to list heartburn as a complication of pregnancy not once, but twice! They didn't buy it. I was tired during the pregnancy, but isn't everyone? I am blessed as I was able to stop working at 32 weeks. My sister gave me this magical week to stop working, and I am forever grateful for that estimate. It was just enough time to enjoy doing nothing for a while and then to get down to business mentally preparing for our little one.

Aden decided to meet us early. I woke up on July 31st at 0220 to go pee, like all women do countless times during the night in their last sprint of pregnancy-- I was 37 weeks and 5 days. My hips hurt, so I leaned on the side of the bed and felt a little gush. Not a huge one. In fact, it was small enough that I got back in bed and didn't wake my husband. Ten minutes later, I got out of bed to test this gush again. At this time, I felt another little gush. I woke Seth up at this point. Not because I thought I was in labor, but because he had gotten really mad at me one morning several weeks prior when I *thought* I had a contraction and let him keep sleeping instead. We Googled how to know if your water has broken and determined that we were not sure.

At 0249, I had my first contraction. Again, it was not a huge deal and I was not sure I was in labor. But Seth started tracking them. The next was 6 minutes later. They averaged about every 5-6 minutes for about 30 minutes--at which time I decided I needed to get out of bed and pack a bag. Did I mention that I'm the biggest procrastinator in the world and that I had not packed a bag because I wanted to keep wearing the clothes that I intended on packing in the bag? The clothes that were now in the dryer at 0300. And I had to put away all the clothes in the dryer because what stay-at-home housewife can only fold half the clothes in the dryer; even if she is in labor?

By the time this fiasco was complete, my contractions were every 3-4 minutes apart and it was 0430. We headed to the hospital and I called to give them the heads up. Even this close together, they were not that bad. I was able to talk through most of them. When we got to the hospital, we had to wait at registration for what felt like an eternity. I'm convinced the lady didn't think I was in labor since we said I was 37 weeks and I was breathing during contractions and not screaming. I really did feel like it was 45 minutes. The time on my IV was 0550, we should have gotten to the hospital at 0455. So yeah, I'm going to say we were at registration for 45 minutes. I refused the wheelchair and walked myself up to labor and delivery because it hurt worse to try to sit through a contraction. I had to get to the hospital early in labor because I had to received two courses of antibiotics before birth as I swabbed Group B Step positive at my 36 week check so I was not yet freaking out in labor, just in labor.

They swabbed for amniotic fluid twice--it was negative. But upon checking for dilation she found that I was a two and that she could feel my baby's hair. Indicating that my water had indeed broken. She was able to stretch me to a three and we got the antibiotic started. It is funny now to think that I needed this confirmation that I was indeed in labor. They hooked me up to the fetal heartbeat monitor and I needed them to tell me that I was indeed having contractions. It got real very fast in that L&D room, but I was unsure that it was real at that point.

After the antibiotic finished, I got in  the tub. This was not as good for me as I was anticipating. I needed to get on my hands and knees during contractions to take the pressure off my back. This proved to be a dangerous activity in the tub. Seth turned on the jets and I stayed in for probably two hours just to say that we did it. During this time, I got to where I couldn't open my eyes during contractions and kept them closed pretty much constantly. I stopped talking, pretty much altogether. We got out when it was time for my second antibiotic. I wanted her to check me again and was disheartened to find out I was only dilated to a five. I turned to Seth and told him that "I can't do this" with my eyes closed. I meant that I couldn't do labor without medication. He thought I meant that I couldn't do labor and laughed at me. We had talked about my sister using a peanut birthing ball and that it really helped her progress. Seth asked and we received. I think the labor and delivery nurse, Amy, put it best when Seth asked her if they help. She said "Do they help with pain? Absolutely  not. Do they help with progression? Yes." Boy, those contractions, lying in bed on my side, were the worst. I would never wish that upon my worst enemies. I felt so helpless. I wanted to be on my hands and knees during contractions-- or at least standing up. Not lying down on my side. But, we continued. I felt my body starting to push about thirty minutes later and was only a 7 or an 8. By an hour and fifteen minutes after my friendship with that dreaded ball began, I insisted that she check me again to see if I had progressed anymore. I was a 10. She started getting things ready in a hurry while she tried to coach me on pushing. My midwife was not there. Amy was coaching me on pushing and after what felt like an eternity, Aden started crowning. Enter the midwife, Amanda, just in time!

I have to share that before Aden was crowning, only the second phrase I had said to Seth in probably four hours was "It is never coming out!" I was 100% convinced that there were only two possibilities in this scenario. 1) There was no baby, this was all for naught. 2) if there is a baby, I was going to die with it inside me. This is why no one in active labor should ever sign any legal documents. You are not capable of rational thought; well, I wasn't at least.

After what felt like years of pushing (but was only 30 minutes), and one last big finale of pain, Aden was out. The midwife helped his head and shoulders out and said to me "Ok, mama. Pull out your baby." This was, by far, the coolest part of it all and I will forever remember it. L&D nurses, midwives, please do that for your patients. On my way bringing him up to my chest, Seth grabbed his right leg, swung it up, and announced "It's a boy! Kaelyn, it's a boy!" Although Aden's sex actually depended on Seth and had nothing to do with me, I felt like I had given him the world in that moment. I can only hope that his enthusiasm would have been the same if it had been a girl. I guess we'll never know.

I was bleeding pretty badly, apparently. I had no clue what was happening down there. I was just so glad that it was over. The midwife had Seth cut the cord pretty much immediately because she wanted to deliver the placenta as she wasn't sure where the bleeding was coming from. This was the one part of my unwritten birth plan that didn't go the way we wanted it to. We wanted to do delayed cord clamping. We wanted to wait until the cord stopped pulsing. In that moment, it didn't even matter. After only 9.5 hours of labor at 1201 on July 31st, my baby was here. A perfect 8 lbs, 7 oz and 20.75 inches long.

You see, birthing plans are a funny thing. All except the cord was exactly what I had planned. I had a completely un-medicated birth (other than antibiotics, but you all know what I mean). My husband coached me on breathing through the whole thing. In fact, I would say 95% of the time it was just the two of us in the room. He was my rock and I don't know how I could have done it without him. And, although all of it went the way I had "planned," nothing was what I expected. That was, easily, the hardest thing I have ever done. I have so much respect for all mommas out there. No matter what your birthing experience was, having a baby is really hard.

One day, I hope to shift my focus in nursing to labor and delivery. Hopefully, I can be a part of someone's birthing story one day. Amy meant so much to me. I want to be someone's Amy.

Now, if you'll excuse me. My little ravenous poop machine is calling.