Acceptance

So my friend Kirstin always has the most wonderful and serious posts. They are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia and I always come out of reading her posts knowing just a little bit more about myself and feeling like I just got a distant hug from my friend in North Carolina. The family blog is titled Our Journey to Africa and if you are one of those people who just love reading interesting blogs, this is a great one to follow!

So her most recent post made me think about who I am. I actually figured it out a little more yesterday during my Mental Health clinical as I sat in an outpatient group therapy session where we talked about Passivity, Aggression, and then Assertiveness. I never realized it, but I sit in the passive role far too much and take on even the negative traits listed in this section. I can become assertive, but only if I see the situation needs a leader or if my friends are getting trampled over. And I can be aggressive, but it takes me quite a while and quite a bit of anger/frustration to get me to that point.

Back to passivity. I say "sorry" all the time. I came by this naturally. My mother is a chronic apologizer, and so I am too. I never really saw this as a bad thing until I realized that some people get really confused; especially if they don't know me. Very few times are things that I apologize my fault and a lot of times it didn't even bother the other person. I need to get over this and stop apologizing for things I can't control (but I hope I always remember the right time to say "I'm sorry that this happened to you"). I also am a venter. I don't talk smack about people. That is not my intention by far. And I don't want my close friends to think badly about the person I have to vent about. Most of the time I end it with "He/she is a fantastic person, this trait about them just get on my nerves." (realize now that I'm getting into things that are really hard to say, but that I have to say).

You see, the underlying fact with this issue is that I am really bad at accepting people for people. I'm not going to like every quality in everyone but I generally really love all of the people I'm surrounded by. I'm not a gossiper, please don't confuse what I'm saying with this. I have a handful of close friends who I really trust enough to vent to. And I generally am seeking advice when I talk with them. This is a big trait of passivity, not being able to say something directly to a person. I need to work on this. I am honest with people, but I have a hard time saying things to them about tendencies that bother me. I don't want to change someone; that is the last thing I want. It is really easy to fall into a spiral with this. The things pile up and pile up and before I know it, I am too annoyed with someone to be around them and I try to avoid them all together.

I know that this is not a Christian trait. I know that we should be loving and non-judgmental towards everyone. That is why the issue I would like to fix in me is acceptance. I need to accept people for being people. We all have our quirks and I need to better realize that just because something someone does makes me cringe, doesn't mean that I need to let it evolve to a point where I don't want to be around them. I need to accept them for being their own person and go on living my life while not letting that little thing bother our relationship.

Please don't think I'm a horrible person (another trait of passivity, needing others to understand you). And please don't be worried that I think bad things about you. It takes me being around someone for entirely too long and in repetitive sessions for this to happen. If you have any room left on your prayer list for an entirely superficial prayer, please pray that I learn acceptance better. Thank you so much!

P.S. Seth and I are taking our engagement pictures tomorrow!!! :)